Mom who knew all about Unconditional Love.

I've been thinking about my mother today because it is her birthday. I don't have any pictures of just the two of us together except in blurry home movies. Life was pretty hectic and busy and there didn't seem to be the time to take as many pictures as there were in later years after we older children had flown the coop. What do I remember? I remember warmth and love, and songs, always songs. It was so fun to listen to her sing Indian Love Call, and to hear her yodel. While some families listened to the radio when they worked or traveled, Mother always had us singing. She knew more songs than anyone I know and since I loved to sing, I learned most of them. It has brought comfort to me through the years to sing some of her favorites around my home, Danny Boy, Summertime, How Do You Like to Go Up in The Swing, Zippity Do Da, Kentucky Babe, Sweetest Little Baby, Mama's Little Baby Loved Short'nin Bread ( She was from the south, after all), Red River Valley, Home On the Range, Willy Jones and Sally Brown, Babes in the Wood and so many more than I could ever name. Then, of course, I was lucky enough to go to choir with her for years in the 10th ward and learned to love more of her favorites and enjoy singing them with her, O Divine Redeemer, Lift up Your Gates, O That I Were An Angel, and so many more she sang as solos. Then there were all her favorite primary songs--too many to mention but ones I especially associated with her were Little Purple Pansies, Beauty All Around, Called To Serve Him, Up, Up in the Sky, Where the Little Birds Fly. I guess that is why almost everything that happens in life, a song pops into my head no matter where I am, even when I'm walking down the street in the Ukraine or Cambodia. That is also the reason when my children were young and we went on trips, we sang in the car, I sang them to sleep at night, and even when my children were not babies, I would go to each of their rooms and sing to them at night, I even sang to them when they woke up in the morning as I was fixing breakfast--kind of wierd, I know but it came from Mom.

What else do I remember? I remember late night talks with Mom long into the early morning. I remember her making lemonade to bring out to us when we had neighborhood children over. I remember canning peaches with her. I remember her rocking me ( she was probably holding more than one in the rocking chair) and singing to me and the sound of bingo coming sometimes from the catholic church on the corner. I remember how excited she was when her mom and dad, grandma and grandpa would come and stay with us for awhile. Of course I remember the Easter dresses she stayed up all night for weeks to make and the pictures on Easter and Easter Sunrise Service at the Temple. When I left home, it was amazing the long, long letters she would write telling every detail that was happening with everyone at home. We have lost the art of letter writing with the ease of phone and e-mail.

The other night at a young adult activity as I was listening to one young man tell about the things his mother taught him about showing love and respect for his sisters and mother by opening the door for them, I thought about some of the things mother taught me without ever saying anything. She taught us to be unselfish wives and put our husband first. How did she teach that? She always served Dad the biggest piece of pie or cake, the best piece of meat. She buttered his toast and cut his grapefruit, and countless other courtesies. She rose every morning early to make him breakfast and a lunch. She tried to make his favorite foods. It has made it so easy to be unselfish in my own marriage. Paul has always taken care of me and I take care of him and there is never any thought of resentment as we serve each other. It made me realize that my sons and son-in-laws could probably teach one of the most powerful lessons on love and respect for women--mothers, daughters, sisters without ever saying a word by always opening the door for their wives. It is a simple thing, but says a lot to children that are watching and is something they will always remember. After watching mother through the years, serving my husband was as natural as breathing. It wasn't something I had to think about. Every once in a while, someone will be visiting and laugh because I butter Paul's toast or cut his grapefruit. It never occurred to me not to do those kinds of things.

Two really important things Mom taught me were about love. She loved everyone and they felt her love. That is a wonderful goal to pursue. I find that most of the time that comes naturally to me and I'm sure it is because of her. When I walk into ward party or gathering of any kind, it never occurs to me that people are not happy to see me and want me there because I love them and I'm happy to see them. I'm sure that is the way Mom felt. I thought everyone felt that way. I didn't realize what a blessing that was until several people confided in me that they never felt welcome or comfortable when they walked into those kinds of gathering. The other blessing of love that Mom gave us is Her certitude that Our Heavenly Father Loved us as His Daughters. She instilled that in us deeply. Rather than favoring men, she was sure He favored His daughters. She was happy with her role as mother and daughter and I have always been grateful for that certitude in my own life.

I wish I only had memories of Mom being happy like the younger children, but it was pretty hard trying to raise 11 intense, stubborn, busy, children with teenagers and babies and as older children we unfortunately remember some frutration, some sad time, some hard times, but it helped us when we went through our own times, because Mom never gave up and was always an optimist about things working out. She was a person whose glass was always half full and never half empty. When she got lemons, she always found a way to turn things around and make lemonade. She would not let thing get her down for long. She believed there was nothing she could not do if she set her mind to it and she wasn't afraid to try anything. She believed in her children and taught us we could do anything and everything, and usually that is just what we did. We were always center front in school and church activities which though it made her life harder, she always supported us and cheered us on.

Remember the pajamas girls? One year Mom or Elaine got hold of a pattern for Men's pajamas and we all made pajamas for our husbands. Remember I was not a seamstress but somehow I managed to get through it with Mom's and Elaine's help. Oh, those funny pajamas. All the husbands were good sports but I think they must have thought we were crazy. Think of the hours.

The worst was when Mom spent hours and hours helping me make a wool robe for Dad before he went on his mission. If you want a good laugh, ask him about that!

Another little add on about my grandmother and grandfather Pearson. If you haven't read Sidney's Blog, Marjean and her visited my mother's remaining brothers and sisters recently and found out some things about my grandmother that I never knew. I knew that as a young mother she suffered an illness with a very high fever which left her different, somewhat vague and altered for the rest of her life. What I didn't now was that Her parents didn't really want her. They were moving and apparently she came at a very inconvenient time and her mother never really bonded with her. She had quite a sad and alone time growing up. Her mother suffered from depression and the brothers and sisters felt that she did also. She was so gentle and would have been terribly wounded by such insensitiviy. It is amazing how she raised such wonderful, energetic, resourceful, productive children. All of them were pretty amazing. What Sidney said about Mom's brothers is also true of all of Grandpa Fillmore and his brothers. They were all such refined gentlemen. Maybe it has to do with the Era. I don't ever remember a time there wasn't something not quite right about Grandma, the humming was part of it, as if there was a part of her trying to get out. I do remember her living with us as a small child and her gentleness, but even then there was an absence. My most precise memory of arriving at the house in Murray was going into the kitchen for toast and postum and later, Grandma kind of sitting and humming and kind of looking off into the distance, sometimes with a book or magazine on her lap. Sometimes I would watch Grandpa come in and gently lead her to bed. It gives me an even greater appreciation for Grandpa who was so present and so wonderful to us. I understand that some of the cousins that lived with him thought he was a strict disciplinarian but I never remember anything but gentleness from him. I have a very old book that was his that mother gave me when I was majoring in English at BYU. It is a beautiful Book of Sir Walter Scott which he loved. I, too, remember his beautiful handwriting. I was always so conscious of how much mother adored him and I felt the same way. He was always building something, fixing something, or making something wonderful. When he came to visit, everything would be repaired, painted, and renewed. On one visit, he made us a wonderful platform swing. I remember how excited we were as we watched him build the swing and paint it red and green. I've often wondered if there were any pictures of that swing. We used to play stage coach and travel across the country in it. He made my mother an upholstered blue velvet rocker to rock her babies in and she loved it so much. He also upholstered and made the red leather chair that is now in Julie and Dave Weed's house. He made very cute little upholstered rocking chairs for the children and a wonderful gaily painted wooden rocking horse for Stephen's birthday one year. I wish I had a picture of all of those things. I remember riding over to Phoenix with him one morning as he went to be at the model homes Dad had over there. Grandma and Grandpa were living with us and working for my Dad then and he told me about his desire to be a doctor but how it hadn't worked out because of his health. He would have been such a wonderful doctor. He actually said he wanted to be a surgeon.